Death of a Parent or Caregiver
When a parent or caregiver dies, a child’s sense of safety and security may be disrupted. The death can affect many areas of a child’s life, including relationships, routines, identity, and their understanding of the world around them. Grief-sensitive care recognizes these broader impacts while making space for each child’s individual experience.
Understanding Children's Grief
Children and adolescents may express grief through emotions, behavior, play, questions, physical symptoms, or changes in daily functioning. Their grief may also appear intermittent, with periods of sadness or distress followed by play, engagement, or other ordinary activities. These shifts do not mean that a child is unaffected by the loss
Adolescents may also express grief through changes in mood, behavior, relationships, or functioning, as well as questions about identity and meaning.
The way a child or adolescent experiences and expresses grief may vary based on factors including developmental stage, the relationship with the person who died, circumstances of the death, and available support.
Developmental Understanding of Death
A child’s understanding of death develops over time.
Younger children may not yet understand its permanence, while older children and adolescents typically have a more complete understanding but may process its meaning differently as they grow.
Children may revisit a loss at different developmental stages, bringing new questions, feelings, and perspectives.
Grief-Sensitive Communication About the Death of a Caregiver
Healthcare professionals may be involved in sharing news of a death or supporting a child immediately afterward. Grief-sensitive communication can help reduce confusion, support a sense of safety, and create space for the child’s questions and individual response.
Share the News Clearly and Honestly
When sharing news of a death with a child, use honest, developmentally appropriate information and clear, concrete language.
Avoid euphemisms such as “passed away,” “went to sleep,” or “we lost them,” which can be confusing, particularly for younger children.
Provide information in manageable amounts, allow time for the child to respond, and let their questions help guide what comes next.
Grief-sensitive language:
- “I have something very sad to tell you. Your dad died this morning.”
- “When someone dies, their body stops working and they are no longer alive.”
- “You can ask me questions about what happened, now or later.”
Respond to Questions About Safety and What Happens Next
After the death of a parent or caregiver, children may worry about who will care for them or whether someone else they depend on will die. Avoid promises that cannot be guaranteed while providing truthful reassurance about what is known now.
Grief-sensitive language:
- “Sometimes children wonder who will take care of them after someone dies. Have you been thinking about that?”
- “There are people who love you and will continue to take care of you.”
- “I don’t know everything that will happen, but the adults caring for you will keep talking with you about what comes next.”
Check What the Child Understands
Children may interpret information differently depending on their developmental level, previous experiences, and what they already know. Checking understanding can identify confusion and create another opportunity for questions.
Grief-sensitive language to check understanding:
- “Can you tell me what you understand about what happened?”
- “What questions do you have right now?”
- “Would it help if I explained any part of that again?”
Children may ask the same question more than once or focus on details that seem unexpected to adults. Answer simply and honestly, without providing more information than the child is asking for.
Address Feelings of Responsibility
Children may sometimes believe that something they said, did, thought, or felt contributed to a death. When appropriate, clearly address this possibility rather than waiting for the child to raise it.
Grief-sensitive language:
- “Sometimes children wonder if something they did caused the person to die. This was not your fault.”
- “Nothing you said, did, or thought made this happen.”
Make Space for the Child’s Response
Children respond to difficult news in many ways. A child may cry, become quiet, ask questions, change the subject, want to play, or show little visible reaction in the moment. Avoid interpreting any one response as an indication of how much the child cared or how deeply they are affected.
Grief-sensitive language:
- “There isn’t one way you’re supposed to feel right now.”
- “Whatever you’re feeling is okay, and you can ask questions whenever you’re ready.”
Remain curious rather than assuming what a child’s questions or reactions mean. A question that appears practical, repetitive, or unrelated may reflect a need for information, reassurance, connection, or help making sense of what has happened.
Avoid Assumptions About the Relationship
A relationship’s significance cannot always be determined by a family or caregiving role. A grandparent who provided significant care, for example, may be deeply missed. A death that appears less significant to others can still have a meaningful impact or bring feelings related to previous losses to the surface.
Grief-sensitive language:
- “Can you tell me about the person who died?”
- “What did you like to do together?”
- “What do you miss about them?”
- “What has changed for you since they died?”
Explaining to a Child That Someone Has Died
In this video from Child Bereavement UK, learn practical ways to explain a death to a child using clear, concrete, developmentally appropriate language. It also explores how adults can make space for children’s questions, emotions, and individual responses to loss.
How a Child May React to the Death of a Caregiver
The death of a parent or caregiver can bring changes that extend beyond the loss itself, including changes in caregiving, routines, family roles, and daily life.
Children may have immediate questions about who will care for them or worry that another parent or caregiver will die. Questions about caregiving, routines, and what will happen next can reflect a child’s need for safety, reassurance, and predictability. This focus on practical concerns can be a developmentally appropriate way for children to seek stability following a loss.
Some children may feel responsible for taking on roles previously held by the person who died, even when no one expects them to. Adults can reassure children that they are not responsible for replacing that person and help establish new routines as the family adjusts.
When a Parent Has Died: Young People Share Their Experiences
In this video from Child Bereavement UK, young people share some of the difficulties they experienced after the death of a parent and what they found helpful.
Their perspectives offer insight into how support can make a difference following the death of a parent or caregiver.
How the Circumstances of a Death May Shape a Child's Response
The circumstances of a death can influence a child’s response. A sudden death may leave little opportunity to prepare, ask questions, or say goodbye. Children and adolescents may experience shock, numbness, sadness, anger, or regret, including feelings about things they said, did, or hoped to do with the person who died.
Deaths involving an accident, homicide, suicide, or other traumatic circumstances may introduce additional stressors and questions requiring sensitive, developmentally appropriate support.
An expected death is not necessarily easier. A death following a prolonged illness may still feel shocking, particularly if a child did not understand the seriousness of the illness or was not included in age-appropriate conversations. Healthcare professionals can explore what the child understood before the death and what questions or support they may need now.
Understanding Trauma: Two Case Studies
In this video, shared with permission from the Trauma and Grief (TAG) Center, Dr. Julie Kaplow uses two case studies to illustrate how grief and trauma can overlap while remaining distinct experiences. The cases highlight why healthcare professionals should avoid assumptions based on the circumstances of a death and instead consider how each child experienced and responded to what happened.
The death of a parent or caregiver can also create significant practical and financial changes for a family. Healthcare professionals do not need to be experts in survivor benefits, but can help by making families aware that they may be eligible for Social Security survivor benefits and connecting them with appropriate resources.
Families can contact Social Security Administration at 1-800-772-1213 to learn about eligibility and how to apply.